Humans are meaning-making machines.
We don’t simply experience life. We interpret it.
A friend doesn’t return a text.
Someone seems distant.
A proposal receives no reply.
A person contributes less than we expected.
Within moments, the mind begins answering a question we didn’t even know we were asking:
What does this mean?
Are they upset with me?
Do they not care?
Am I being rejected?
Am I being taken for granted?
Often, we suffer not only from what happens, but from what we believe it means.
The circumstance may be real.
The feeling may be real.
The meaning we’ve assigned to the circumstance, however, deserves investigation.
See upcoming event: https://marielsomatictherapy.com/event/is-it-true-questioning-the-stories-assumptions-and-beliefs-that-shape-our-lives/
A Personal Example
Recently, I found myself feeling resentful.
Some people attending my weekly Wonderful Wednesday gatherings were contributing little or no money toward an evening that takes considerable time, energy, preparation, and expense to create.
The situation was real.
The feeling was real.
But as I sat with it, I noticed a story beginning to form.
The story was that people who contributed very little didn’t value me or appreciate what I was offering.
Perhaps some didn’t.
But was that the only possible interpretation?
As I reflected further, other possibilities emerged. Some people may have been struggling financially. Some may not have known what was expected. Some may simply have had a different understanding of what constituted a reasonable contribution.
The breakthrough came when I realized that the fact was not the same as the meaning.
The fact was that some people contributed very little.
The meaning I was creating was that they didn’t value me.
Once I separated those two things, I stopped feeling trapped.
Not because the situation disappeared.
Not because my feelings were invalid.
But because I had more options.
Instead of arguing with reality, I could ask a different question:
What response would be most effective?
The answer was simple.
Communicate expectations more clearly.
That insight didn’t come from positive thinking.
It came from separating the circumstance from the story.
Circumstances and Meaning
This distinction has become increasingly important to me over the years.
Life presents us with circumstances.
Some are delightful.
Some are painful.
Some require action.
Some require acceptance.
Yet between the circumstance and our response, something almost always happens.
We create meaning.
A friend doesn’t respond.
What does that mean?
A proposal receives no reply.
What does that mean?
Someone contributes less than we hoped.
What does that mean?
The mind dislikes uncertainty.
When information is missing, it rushes to create meaning.
Sometimes the meaning we create is accurate.
Sometimes it is incomplete.
Sometimes it causes far more suffering than the circumstance itself.
The challenge is that once we’ve created a story, we often forget that it is only one possible interpretation.
We begin treating it as reality.
Facts, Meaning, and Choice
When I find myself emotionally activated, I try to distinguish between three things:
Fact
What actually happened?
Meaning
What am I making it mean?
Choice
Given the facts, what would be the most effective response?
Many of us skip directly from fact to reaction.
A story appears.
We believe it.
Then we act as though it must be true.
But there is often tremendous freedom available in the space between the event and our response.
That space is inquiry.
Why Attention Matters
I don’t believe we consciously choose most of our beliefs.
Beliefs are shaped through repetition, experience, conditioning, and habit.
What I do believe is that we have considerable influence over where we place our attention.
And attention matters.
The thoughts that we repeatedly return to begin shaping what we notice, what we expect, how we interpret events, the actions we take, and ultimately the lives we create.
If I continually focus on evidence that people are selfish, I will become increasingly skilled at finding selfishness.
If I continually focus on evidence that people are generous, I will become increasingly skilled at finding generosity.
Neither perspective captures the whole truth.
Attention acts like a spotlight.
It illuminates certain aspects of reality while leaving others in the shadows.
We don’t always choose the circumstances that arise in our lives, but we have more influence than we realize over the meaning we assign to them.
And that meaning profoundly influences the reality we experience.
Hold It Up to the Light
The next time you find yourself upset, discouraged, resentful, anxious, hurt, or emotionally activated, try this simple journaling practice.
Rather than immediately believing the first story your mind offers, hold it gently up to the light.
Circumstance
What happened?
Describe only the observable facts.
Meaning
What am I making this mean?
What assumptions or conclusions have I added?
Evidence
What evidence supports my interpretation?
Possibilities
What else might be true?
Can I identify at least three alternative explanations?
The goal isn’t to find the “correct” interpretation.
The goal is to loosen your grip on certainty long enough to discover additional possibilities.
Choice
Given the facts, what response would serve me best?
Not the most reactive response.
Not the most dramatic response.
The most effective one.
A Self-Reflection Exercise
Choose one situation in your life that continues to generate emotional charge.
Perhaps it’s a relationship.
A family member.
A work situation.
A financial concern.
A health challenge.
Write down your answers to the questions above.
Then put the journal away.
Come back the next day and read what you’ve written.
You may be surprised by how differently the situation appears after a little space and reflection.
Words Worth Noticing
For the next week, pay special attention whenever you hear yourself saying:
● Always
● Never
● Everyone
● Nobody
● Should
● Can’t
These words often signal that a story is present and waiting to be examined.
That doesn’t mean the story is false.
It simply means it may benefit from being held up to the light.
An Invitation
This practice draws inspiration from cognitive behavioural techniques, mindfulness, self-inquiry, and many years of observing how thoughts, assumptions, and beliefs influence human experience.
It is not about positive thinking.
It is not about denying reality.
It is not about convincing yourself that everything is fine.
Sometimes your interpretation will be accurate.
Sometimes a difficult conversation needs to happen.
Sometimes a boundary needs to be set.
Sometimes action needs to be taken.
Inquiry simply helps ensure that our actions arise from clarity rather than assumption.
If you’d like to explore this process in a supportive group setting, I invite you to join me at our Wonderful Wednesday event, on July 8:
Is It True?
Questioning the Stories, Assumptions, and Beliefs That Shape Our Lives
Together we’ll explore practical tools for self-awareness, reflection, and personal growth through individual exercises, paired conversations, small-group discussions, and meaningful dialogue.
Again and again, I’ve found that when I separate the circumstance from the meaning I’ve assigned to it, new possibilities begin to emerge.
Sometimes nothing changes except my perspective.
Sometimes that shift in perspective changes everything.
The next time you find yourself upset, anxious, disappointed, resentful, or discouraged, pause before believing the first meaning your mind creates.
Hold it gently up to the light.
Then ask:
What happened?
What am I making it mean?
What else might be true?